Growing up Gay: My personal experience Part I
“I wasn’t going to let someone else’s opinion of me, reflect MY opinion of ME.”-Stephanie Jones
It was a trip growing up gay.
I come from a family of 6 siblings including myself, three boys and three girls. My dad was an Aircraft Mechanic in the Air Force and my mom was the caretaker of all of us. I guess you can say my parents were semi-religious. But they sure, knew how to take some alcohol to the head. Despite the drinking, my father made sure we showed up for church on Sundays, and on Wednesdays, it was Bible study. Hell at one point , he even had all of us in the church choir. Quite hilarious, I know.
After 25 years of marriage, my parents called it quits. I was nine years old , and that was right about the time when I started to EXPLORE MYSELF-
MY FIRST KISS.
It happened on our front porch in Wichita (that’s in Kansas) . His name was, let’s just say R.W.. we kissed on the lips for a few brief moments. It was kinda weird to say the least but hey, I was just a kid. And even though I had my shool crushes on other girls, from that moment on, I was living under the law of ‘GIRLS ARE SUPPOSE TO LIKE BOYS, at least up until I turned 17. That’s when I gradually started coming out of my shell and realized I was growing up gay.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED
My first Kiss. with a girl. That’s when the FIREWORKS inside of my body went BERZERK. L.P. was a junior and I was a senior. The attraction was instantly magnetic. She attended high school across town but we only lived a few miles away from each other so we saw each other when we could. I should say we use to sneek around- A WHOLE LOT. We had too. People liked to talk shit and we could hear the shit being talked. I was just floating through life doing whatever I did because it just felt good, you know what I mean? I was still confused and even worse my mom had “this feeling about me,” so she asked me if I was gay. I had lied to protect myself from the horror I would feel had she known the truth.
HIGH SCHOOL DAYS
I STARTED TO HEAR MUMBLINGS AROUND SCHOOL, AND IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. People loved to talk shit, but I endured it because I wasn’t going to let someone else’s opinion of me, reflect MY opinion of ME. Even though I had a lot of self-esteem, I wanted to escape my surroundings with a passion. but I had nowhere to go and really no one to talk to. Being gay was taboo where I was from. But on the bright side of my “situation”, my dad must have been totally out of “the know” or either he just didn’t give a damn about my sexuality. All that mattered to him was: I was his baby girl.
When you’re faced with adversity, fight hard to get the demons out of your head. People will test you to see how far they can go but with all of your might block them out by ignoring them. If you let them get the best of you-THEY WIN.
It’s ok to grow up gay.
Stay true to you,
Stephanie Jones
To view more blogs about being gay please visit http://www.empowernetwork.com/living4ree
